I don’t know how to sit still. I think, even in stillness, I seek motion. For a long time, I was very afraid of quiet, of silence. Living in Europe has shown me a different perspective.

One morning, my train was running late. For a moment, I thought I should just go on the train from the opposite direction to catch the next one to come in the direction which I was actually heading. I then realized how silly that would be; it seems there is comfort in motion, without depth of thought as to whether it is in the desired direction, or whether the end location would be yielded favorably. It reminded me that standing in silence and rest, is not a bad thing. I remembered, that in rest, the right energy can be created. 

I’ve recently been reading The Tao of Pooh. This excerpt resonated with me,

“Now you plant; now you relax. Now you work the soil; now you leave it alone. The Puritans never really understood the second half, never really believed in it. And so, after two or three centuries of pushing, pushing, and pushing the once-fertile earth, and a few years of depleting its energy still further with synthetic stimulants, we have apples that taste like cardboard, oranges that taste like tennis balls, and pears that taste like sweetened Styrofoam, all products of soil that is not allowed to relax.”

Part of my challenge is that I am uncertain as to how to know when to rest and when to take action. How do I know if I am being erratic or perfectly stable? I guess part of this includes listening to myself and understanding moments of tire, and respecting and allowing my body’s plea for rest.

While I learn to better manage how to nurture the needs and best for my body and soul, I wonder how I can do so best with my heart and time in my life. Some of the last words of Steve Jobs, suggest clarity on the paradox of the chase of wealth and investing in those you love and whom love you,

“God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth. The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me. What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love. That’s the true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on. Love can travel a thousand miles. Life has no limit. Go where you want to go. Reach the height you want to reach. It is all in your heart and in your hands.”

There is so much more I can do, and so much I want to do. Maybe part of that should be taking moments to breathe, deeply, in quiet and in stillness. Perhaps it’ll allow the steeping to understand what is important, and where I should be going to prioritize it.

Anna Badrieh